Why Early Relationship Warning Signs Matter
Qwenews.com – A newly released video involving reality television personality Taylor Frankie Paul and her former boyfriend, Dakota Mortensen, has renewed public attention on intimate partner violence and the behaviors that can sometimes appear before abuse becomes overt. The footage, released Thursday, shows Paul fighting with Mortensen and throwing objects during an incident that resulted in her arrest in 2023.
In the aftermath of the video’s release, Disney canceled the upcoming season of “The Bachelorette,” which had been set to feature Paul. The situation has also prompted wider discussion about recognizing unhealthy relationship patterns early, while avoiding assumptions about the private dynamics of any individual couple. The details of Paul and Mortensen’s relationship are not known.
Intimate partner violence can involve physical harm, sexual coercion, psychological abuse or other forms of violence directed at a romantic partner. It often does not begin with an unmistakable act of violence at the start of a relationship. Instead, troubling patterns may develop while people are becoming emotionally committed, building shared routines or making major decisions together.
Research Focused on Patterns Before Violence
Dr. Nicolyn Charlot examined whether certain thoughts, emotions and behaviors could signal an increased likelihood of abuse later in a relationship. When her research was published in December 2023, Charlot was associated with the University of Western Ontario’s psychology department.
“Violence doesn’t typically appear super early on. It’s rare that you go on a first date and experience intimate partner violence,” Charlot said.
The purpose was not simply to identify conduct that is already abusive. Charlot’s work looked for behaviors that may precede violence without necessarily constituting abuse on their own. That distinction matters because many people do not recognize a concerning dynamic until they have already become deeply invested in the relationship.
“By the time that violence is happening, people are often invested in their relationships,” Charlot said. “Leaving can be difficult.”
She said that recognizing concerns before moving in together, becoming more committed or otherwise intertwining lives may give people an opportunity to reconsider the relationship and proceed more carefully.
The researchers began by reviewing prior studies and compiling 200 abusive and nonabusive thoughts, feelings and behaviors. A study involving 355 participants narrowed that list to 16 signs that predicted violence occurring within the next six months. Many of the indicators involved control, entitlement, arrogance and emotional immaturity.
Sixteen Behaviors Identified in the Study
A single difficult moment does not automatically establish an abusive relationship. Charlot emphasized that concern rises when behaviors are recurring, when several are present at once, or when a pattern leaves a person feeling pressured, diminished or unable to make ordinary choices freely.
The study identified these possible warning signs:
1. Having sex when one partner is not in the mood.
2. Feeling unable to refuse a partner.
3. A partner declining to acknowledge mistakes.
4. Being compared unfavorably with other people.
5. A negative response when someone says no to a request.
6. A partner dismissing reasoning that conflicts with their own view.
7. Struggling to concentrate at work because thoughts about the partner are overwhelming.
8. A partner creating uncomfortable scenes in public.
9. Behavior marked by arrogance or a sense of entitlement.
10. Attempts to remake or fundamentally change the other person.
11. A lack of support for a partner’s goals or well-being.
12. Repeated criticism.
13. Expectations for the relationship that are unrealistic.
14. Avoidance or withdrawal by a partner.
15. Doing something after being specifically asked not to.
16. Threatening to end the relationship.
These signs are not a checklist that can predict every outcome, and the research did not suggest they are the only relevant concerns. Still, they can help people step back and assess whether respect, consent, emotional safety and autonomy are present in their relationship.
“The warning signs you see in our lists were what were most important in each study, but that doesn’t mean that there are not other warning signs that are also important,” Charlot said.
Other Patterns That May Deserve Attention
Dr. Duygu Balan, a psychotherapist in New York and California who specializes in trauma and attachment wounds, was not involved in the study. She noted that people in unhealthy relationship dynamics may feel isolated or believe they are uniquely at fault for what is happening.
“A lot of times when we’re in these patterns and relationship dynamics, it feels like we’re the only ones that are experiencing this, like something is wrong with us,” Balan said.
That sense of isolation can make it harder to name a problem or seek perspective from trusted people. Balan said the research is valuable in part because it can help normalize conversations about warning signs rather than treating them as private failures.
She also pointed to other behaviors that can raise concern: a person who describes every former partner as “crazy,” treats service workers badly, harms animals, avoids getting to know a partner’s loved ones, discourages restorative hobbies or carefully tracks a partner’s activity online. Difficulty regulating one’s own emotions and a history of abuse in the home may also be important context, though neither automatically determines how someone will behave in a relationship.
Looking Beyond Isolated Incidents
Healthy relationships can include disagreements, mistakes and moments of emotional discomfort. The central question is often not whether a conflict occurred, but how each person responds to boundaries, accountability and the other person’s independence. Respecting “no,” accepting responsibility, offering support and allowing someone to maintain friendships, interests and family connections are meaningful markers of relational safety.
When someone repeatedly feels afraid to disagree, pressured into sex, criticized, monitored, publicly humiliated or threatened with abandonment, those experiences deserve to be taken seriously. Speaking with a trusted friend, family member, therapist or domestic-violence support service can provide perspective and help a person consider options safely.
Early warning signs do not place responsibility for abuse on the person experiencing it. Responsibility always lies with the person choosing coercion, intimidation or violence. But clearer language for recognizing concerning patterns can help people seek support sooner and make decisions before harmful behavior escalates.
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